Late-Night “Disney Princess Is A Boy Or Something” Rant

Apparently (according to the super shitty show Once Upon A Time, hey, alliteration!) the Disney princess Mulan is bisexual. You all know Mulan, right? The Chinese girl who pretended to be a boy warrior for some reason I’ve long forgotten, except that there was a cute little red dragon. I’m quite sure there was a cute little red dragon.

Anyway, I’d always really liked that about Mulan—hmm, no wonder it’s my favorite Disney movie (next to the Jungle Book, but that’s just for the music)—I’d never really thought about why, but now it’s pretty clear to me. A strong girl as a boy warrior. Huh. Can I relate?

I don’t find it very surprising. Actually I’m more surprised that they didn’t just say she’s transgender. I know she falls in love with the guy in the end, what’s-his-face, but she could be trans and bisexual—that’s totally possible. I’m also slightly disappointed that they had to pick their most boyish princess to make bisexual. It’s practically a given; couldn’t one of those super-girly princesses be the gay one? And by the way, why did they have to hide behind “bisexual”? Couldn’t they have gone for straight-out gay? Or, like I would very much have appreciated, they could have told everybody Mulan dressed up in her boy-warrior clothes because she fucking likes boy-warrior clothes!

Nothing wrong with that, Disney! I’d wear fucking warrior clothes! In ancient Japan, Jesus Christ, I’d be running around everywhere in samurai armor telling everybody I’m a guy. And then they’d look at each other and wonder why the weird boy runs everywhere in samurai armor telling everyone he’s a boy.

My roundabout point is that: good for Disney, but not good for them because Mulan is the easiest “princess” (cough, cough, prince, cough) that they could possibly have picked. I’m glad Mulan digs girls, too (at least according to Once Upon A Time), but I’m disappointed she digs boys at the same time. Maybe Mulan is just a bit too nervous to come out yet. At the end of the day, though, who cares? You can gripe about Disney characters until you go insane if you want, but you won’t get anywhere—the princesses are, as a rule, girly, and the princes are all—MARK THAT DOWN, ALL OF THEM—are effeminate—and it doesn’t matter what their creators want their sexual orientations to be. I’ll always hold fast to the idea that Mulan is transgender and that prince from The Princess Frog is really, really gay.

Besides—a quick side note—Mulan is, the way I’ve heard it, not even a Disney idea. (Surprise?) It’s apparently a really old, well-known Chinese myth; probably, if I had to take a guess, it’s even based in fact. There’s a history of transgender people in most cultures, and Asia is no exception. I would gladly believe that once, or many times, there was a “girl” who became a boy warrior because that was the best way he could see to be himself.

So freaking get over it, Disney. Mulan can’t fool me by hiding behind her bisexuality. She’s a boy, dammit.

 

~

Once again nobody read this, probably. If you did and you’re here reading these words now, then thank you for your time listening to my ten thirty at night transgender rant about irrelevant Disney things.

 

~The Cellar Boy

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About thecellarboy

17. I write, play music, and have a cat that likes to bang his head against doors until they open. View all posts by thecellarboy

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